Timeline almost finished!!!

Taeya I just stare at our timeline and remember starting this site for our family and friends about us becoming yours.  I can't believe that we are just one milestone away from getting you!!!!!  I am reminded very solemly that as excited as we will be to get the travel approval that is also the time that you will be told that you are leaving your foster family and that you are getting a new totally strange to you family.  I cannot promise that it will be easy SiYu but it will be worth it.  I won't know how to answer the questions of why you were first abandoned or why your foster family chose not to adopt you.  I am sure that it is somewhere along the lines of them knowing that if there is a special family out there that chooses to become yours then that family would be better able to give you a super life with lots of abilities and not all the struggles that would start for you at 14 and never end...  I am also sure that they loved you and it was an agonizing choice for them both to do so.  I am sure that your foster family showed you love and care because of how you wanted them so badly in the video we have of you.  I am sure that they will never forget you and that you have the personality to stay in their memories forever.  
I found this poem for you today....  I love you SiYu and am just one more day closer to getting you...
KISSES IN THE WIND (The Waiting Child's Lullabye)

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

--- © Pamela Durkota

Hour after hour after hour!!!! I just want to go to CHINA already!!!!!! Tomorrow will bring our Article 5!!! Then we just hunker down for two weeks and get that travel approval!!!!! Then I'm outta here!!!!!! So as of today the LEAST I have to wait to leave for China is 4 weeks!!!!! THAT"S 28 DAYS!!!!!!! I found a TON of things to do with you when we are in Beijing together. That is if you are up to it. We can go to this arts and crafts place and you can do some pottery on a wheel. We can also go to a toboggan ride if you are up to it!! That way you can feel China if you can't see it!!!! You'll remember that feeling of your first 'ride' as being done in China!!!! I'll stop here and go search for more for us to do... Love Mommy

Every Single strand of hair

Taeya - oh my this part of the wait is just like pulling out every single strand of my hair!!!  We had a lovely party for you this weekend.  It was splendid.  My besties (in order only by length known!!!  I love them all so much!!!)  Shelby, Lisa, and Michelle all made a tea party fit for a queen.  They made me feel so special and they did it all for our new daughter - you.  Then we went to Michelle's cabin for a really fun night of staying up late, drinking wine and watching a HILARIOUS girlie movie!!!  I thought my ears were going to burst I was laughing so hard!!!!!  It was so nice to be able to talk about you and plan for you and think about you nonstop for the whole weekend.
This week will bring forth our Article 5 on Friday then we just have to wait for my travel approval and I'm outta here!!!!!!!!  I can't wait to be with you.  I can't wait to finally have you and to be able to start our lives with you in it!!!!  I can't wait to make you laugh and smile.  I can't wait to see what you are like!!  Are you sassy like your big sister??  Are you introverted like your big brother?  Or are you someone completely different from them just like they are different from each other?
I look constantly at other people's blogs to see how long they waited for their TA after receiving their Article 5 and I can't really put it together.  I just have to have profound faith that God will make it happen and I WILL be to you November 15th!!!  My friend Julie Pettit said that it would be really cool if I could travel to you 11/11/11!!!!  That would be so cool!!!!!
Well I could ramble on forever but I'll stop here and try and go do something productive...
Love you dear
Mu chin

Taeya - this is one of the hardest parts of the wait...  so close,  so close that I am packing and repacking and unpacking and repacking.  I am not sleeping all through the nights or if I do I wake up SUPER early like 3am and I start thinking about you and I can't go back to sleep!!!!!!  I envision meeting you for the first time.  I envision you and I strolling about in Beijing together.  I can almost feel you reach for my hand as we would walk next to each other.
The two last things that I have to wait for are TOTALLY out of my hands and it kills me that I can't do ANYTHING to speed them up.  Just sitting on our hands waiting for China to give us our Article 5 and our Travel Approval.  Article 5 will be here Friday October 21st.  The Travel Approval I am positive thinking and PRAYING a WHOLE LOT that it gets here in two weeks after the 21st.  Which would put me to you by November 15th...  It's so hard to calm down once I get started daydreaming.  I can't focus on learning Chinese anymore.  Not until I can get the last two things down.  My mind is all over the place unable to light on anyone thing for very long.
I have started walking more.  I know that I am a far cry from being as in shape as I was when I was in China last time.  I know that I have to be up for LOTS and LOTS of walking for two weeks.  I got a back pack today for my only carry on.  In another week I'll start carrying that around with me when I go for my walks.  I am nervous about getting to China with just the one carry on...
I think about you all day, every day.  I hope that you are being well cared for and loved a lot today.  I hope that you know who we are by now but I know the chances are slim that you do.
Well it's a gorgeous day here and your big sister and I are going to go for another bike ride soon so I should get going.
Daydreaming of you
Mommy

Consuming my China

I'm finding that thinking about China consumes my every thought.  The fact that the time I spend there in comparison to the time that we will have Taeya is so infinitely small.  I am there and back in a blink.  The moment being over before I even knew it began.  Just like when I was there for Braelin.  I know that we did so much when I was there but I barely remember any of it.  I want it to go slow this time.  So I can savor every last moment in the country our daughters were born in.  I want to be able to experience being with Taeya in her country before bringing her to her new country.  I want to see the wonder on her face as I take her to the different sights and smells and sounds of China that she may have never been to.  


I think of it like this - no one wants to go through labor forever but who wouldn't go back to the anticipation that consumes you before you have a baby for the first time?  Who wouldn't want to go back to that wonderous time in life.  I remember the moment before we got our girls in GZ.  I thought my head was going to explode.  I was crying and a bundle of nerves.  They walked us past the room with the girls in it and I SWORE I saw Brae and it made my head spin!!!!!  Turns out it wasn't her that I saw but still.  


What is it going to feel like waiting for them to bring me Taeya?  What is she going to do when she sees me up close?  Is she going to smile that cute little smile of hers?  Is she going to have tears in her eyes from her loss of her foster family?  Is she going to have that cute little twitch of her lips and blink in her eyes?  Is she going to understand me when I try and tell her things that I learned to say to her in Chinese?


 I can't believe that we are only less than 8 weeks away from me being in China.  My head is just trying not to want to hurry because the anticipation of the event is bliss... but also wanting to hurry because I just want her to be here and for us to be all hers.